Lickety Spit

My boss refuses to stop licking envelopes and its driving me crazy. Let me explain. I purchased new 9x12 envelopes for books that we send out regularly. The last time I ordered these envelopes we bought a more expensive kind. Trying to save money I went cheap. The envelopes themselves were fine but I didn't realize that they were not self-sealing but the kind you had to wet in order to seal them. With the last kind you pulled a strip revealing a sticky strip and then all you had to do was push the sides together. So to fix this problem I bought some envelope sealer which is basically a spongy glue stick that both wets the sealer and puts some more glue on the surface. Who wants to lick a bunch of envelopes closed everyday, right? So this seemed to be working ok for everybody in the office until one day I was sitting in my boss's office talking to her about something while she was preparing a package in one of these envelopes. I watched as she put the book in the envelope, licked the thing closed with multiple waggings of her tongue and then pulled out a roll of packing tape, cut it to the appropriate size with scissors and then applying the tape haphazardly to the end of the previously molested envelope. After I witnessed this I asked her, "What are you doing?" She said that she was sending a book off to so-and-so to which I countered, "No, why are you doing that to that envelope?" To which she replied, "I just want to make sure the book doesn't come out in the mail." So I tell her to wait just a minute and I go and get her one of the handy spongy glue stick envelope sealers that I had purchased for just this purpose. As she prepared her next package I showed her how to use the glue stick on it and she agreed that was a better idea. Problem solved right? Well, perhaps not.

A few days later I am in her office again and witness the same envelope molesting as before except that this time after she licked the envelope thoroughly she applied the wet glue stick to the package as well. (At least we had gotten rid of the excessive tape step.) So I asked again, "What are you doing?" She replied that she was using the glue that I had given her. So I say, "Well yeah but the glue replaces the need to use your tongue. See the glue wets the sealer the same as your spit does so you don't have to lick them anymore." She goes, "I don't mind licking them." And I say, "But that's just gross! And now your doing the same step twice for no reason." So I try to explain again the idea of wetness being the same whether it comes from spit or from the glue stick but that argument was to no avail. A co-worker had come into her office to discuss something and I presented my argument just to make sure I wasn't the crazy one. My co-worker agreed and tried to explain the same thing I had just explained but again, it was useless. So now each package that is sent from her is sealed with a loving french kiss as well as the glue stick. (By the way she has her own glue stick that only she uses.)

One would think that would be the only envelope sealing discussion a person would have within a weeks time, but no, that wasn't the case. A few days later I was doing something in our mailroom when another co-worker of mine, who is a bit of a germaphobe, came in and asks if there is a way to seal an envelope. (This was in regards to a regular letter sized envelope.) I told him about the spongy envelope sealers that I had gotten and I also suggested that he could just lick it too. (It was just one.) Then he says, "Well, I just don't want the person who receives it to think that I licked it." I looked at him for a moment probably not hiding my confusion very well before I said, "What???" He explained that he just didn't want the receiver to be grossed out thinking that he had licked it closed. I still had the confused look on my face as I turned around and grabbed his paycheck out of his mailbox and held it up saying, "Who do you think licks these every two weeks?" He looked at me with horror. (I really don't lick them myself but it illustrated my point.) I told him that I didn't think many people thought about how the envelope they just opened was sealed but that the envelope sealer was available for him to use whenever he needed it. Also that he should probably never open any packages that were sent to him by our boss without wearing gloves.

Recent Work Highlights

1. One of my co-workers yelled this, not to me but in a meeting we were having... "Feelings! I don't care about your feelings! Put your feelings in a bag and mail them to your momma because I don't care about your feelings!" It was kind of a "There's no crying in baseball!" moment. Awesomeness right?

2. My boss was meeting with a person from Austria about starting a film commission there. Right before she went to meet the person I told her to be sure to greet them with a "G'day Mate!" She thought about that for a second and then gave me a dirty look.

3. My boss agreed to meet with a troop of 7 year old cub scouts for an hour and tell them about our business. After that was over she said, "Well, that was a stupid idea."

Future's so bright.

I am very lucky. I have an office that is on the 15th floor in a downtown building that has an awesome view of the San Diego Bay. I can see the aircraft carriers when they are in port. That also mean that I am on the west side of the building which is the side in which the sun sets. You might think - "ooh sunsets!" Yes there are some spectacular ones. But now with the stupid time change all I get is the sun in my eyeballs every afternoon. Right now I am squinting. One of my coworker walked by and laughed at me saying that if I kept scowling like that my face might stay that way. That launched me into a tirade about DST and the sun now being in my eyes! So I have a choice...

Do I close my blinds and miss the view? Do I continue leaning slightly forward at an awkward 45 degree angle every afternoon avoiding the sun and scowling? Someone might suggest that I open the blinds in the morning and then close them when the sun gets in my eyes later in the day. To you I say - that is way too much work for someone as lazy as me. Then as I was thinking about this I came up with a great idea...

Can you image walking past that every afternoon? I am going to try it and see how long it takes my coworkers to say anything. Maybe I'll start a trend. Hey if I can wear them in my car why can't I wear them in my office? I have a brother who used to wear his sunglasses at night, this is definitely not as bad as that.

Let the experiment begin!

It's Alive!

See I told you this blog wasn't dead. Let's just say it was in a coma...for a year. It was breathing, there were a few signs of life - there were even thoughts but they just weren't being communicated to the outside world. This past year has been an interesting/weird/introspective one. I wouldn't say that it was a bad year, in fact lots of good things happened and hey it could always be worse, right? Look around, it could definitely always be worse. When Angelo and I were trying to come up with Christmas card ideas this last December we were cracking ourselves up coming up with ways we could joke about our 2009. We were a little worried that people wouldn't get the humor and think it was a cry for help so we went with the warm and fuzzy snuggie card. But we have learned that when life gives you lemons suck out all of the vitamin C and yell “EAT THAT, LIFE!"

It was right to give up my blog for a while. I was mostly blogging to entertain myself and I wasn't really feeling very funny the last year or so. I think it would have been a lot of complaining and I hate complaining so I'm glad I wasn't contributing more complaining to the world. After all I really don't have much to complain about so I'm glad I was mum.

So here are a few of the events/thoughts/haps from the last year...

1. I have lost a total of 55 lbs! Thank goodness I started losing weight when I did because if I had been puffy AND dealing with life I would have been a frackin' mess. It definitely helped my outlook to be shrinking my pant size. I went from a size 16 to a size 6 which I honestly can't believe nor did I ever set out to do. I have to tell you that when you finally change your lifestyle it really does come easier. I do have to give a big shout out to the swine flu for helping me with those last 5 lbs in October. There is a silver lining to every bad situation people!

2. My job has been an absolute roller coaster. I have realized that my boss and I get along loads better when we don't have a marketing budget. Mostly because I completely disagreed with what she chose to put out but it doesn't really matter because she is the boss. (Funny how that works.) Now that all our marketing money has gone away we get along just like old times. We had a crazy funding cut this year again so I am getting real good at dealing with no money. (There's something for the resume.) Since my company's funding is known on an annual basis at least I know I have a job for another year. A sad consequence to our budget cuts is the suspension of our internship program. *tear* Whatever will I blog about now?

3. Early last year my doctor found a "lump." Yep, that kind of "lump." The unknown didn't last for long and it turned out to be just a cyst but holy crap. My heart goes out to anyone who goes through that. My experience didn't even last that long but it really gave me some good perspective.

4. Facebook is weird. I joined and it's fun to be able to keep up with some people. It's weird to have some people friend you. My feeling is that if I would be happy running into a person at the grocery store and would have a conversation with them then they can be my facebook friend. If I would quickly duck into the next aisle then no, no thanks. To be perfectly honest it's best use for me is to keep tabs on the kids in our church youth program. They spill all kinds of stuff on it. I don't know if I would have said so much if facebook had been around when I was a teenager. I think they are just so used to broadcasting their lives through texts and such that they don't really understand that EVERYONE CAN READ YOUR CONVERSATIONS WHEN YOU TALK ON THE NEWSFEED.

5. I am coming up on 6 years as young women's president in our ward. That has gone really fast. I still totally love it! The girls that I have been able to work with have made such an impact on me. It has definitely been something I have really needed in my life. It's funny because it seems like whenever we have gotten any bad news in the past year it always seems to happen on a Tuesday. That is also the day that we have our youth mutual activities during the week. Usually I am saying, "Aw crap, now we've got to go to mutual." But then we go and have a good time and it's the best distraction. Things don't seems so bad after that. The kids are so fun and freakin' hilarious too! Angelo and I are constantly amused.

6. My husband is awesome. He is definitely the mac to my cheese. He constantly makes me laugh and takes life in stride which is all I can ask for. His family also continues to entertain us. His brother and his fiancee had a baby boy last year and that has been a very good thing. They created the first grand baby which has been wonderful (and frankly a relief.) There have been some funny stories but I can't send them out into the Internet for fear that someday they will be found by future anthropologists who will think that was normal for the early 21st century and I can't have that kind of guilt weighing on my conscience.

Being in a coma you sometimes fear people will have forgotten about you. I hope that's not the case. I made it through my blog coma and I'm hoping there is no significant brain damage.